Now, back to the post...
Older men. I like them. In fact, I love them. But are the advantages of being with them real or something we conjure up in our minds? I would venture to say a little bit of both. Through my experiences and the experiences of those around me, being with an older man definitely has it's pluses.
For me, one of the big pros is that he is more secure in his career. Dealing with younger men who are still trying to find their way can often times be emotionally taxing on their mate. Mood swings, random lay-offs, and work-related frustrations always end up effecting your relationship and more often than not, the woman ends up being the first person attacked. Not to say that this NEVER happens with older men, but when a man is happy and confident in his position at his place of work, he doesn't bring as much baggage home with him. Also, an older man has already "proven" himself in the workplace so the missed sex-sessions, the canceled plans, the romantic dinners that end up in the fridge in tupperware, are less likely to happen.
Another great plus to being with an older man is that the sex is better. While I will say that maybe the stamina isn't as great as a youngin', the overall experience is definitely one to write home about. He takes his time, he knows what foreplay is and he KNOWS how to do it (i.e. "champion face" as my friend Terri calls it), and he understands that there are TWO people involved and it's important that we both get the O at the end. Maybe the session isn't as long as it is with a youngster, but I'd rather be completely satisfied after an hour session than frustrated and annoyed after 3 hours.
Tying into my first point about being secure in his career, it often means he's financially secure. While all of us ladies can claim we're "independent" and "self-sufficient" the truth is that we all want a man who can wine and dine us, throw us a couple hundreds for our hair, nails, and a new pair of shoes, etc. In my personal experience, I've found that older men want their women in tip top shape, so he's willing to cover that gym membership, that weekly threading appointment, and that bikini wax that you hate oh so very much.
More importantly, who doesn't love a man who's comfortable in his own skin? His walk, his mannerisms, his charisma...they all just scream, "I GOT THIS!" Every woman wants to walk hand-in-hand with a man who she feels is confident and safe with. I believe it takes years and years of life experiences for men to get to a place where they are truly comfortable with themselves and who they are. Women desire a man who's just that: a man. If I'm wearing the pants in the relationship, when do I have a chance to be a woman? As much as we are willing to help a young guy figure himself out, the truth is that we'd like to step into a relationship with someone who already knows what it means to be a man and a mate.
Now, of course there are some negatives to being with an older man. And for my personal relationships, these are often deal breakers. Maybe as I get older, these will have less significance for me, but for now I'm sticking to my standards.
The biggest "negative" is that he probably has kids. While having children is a blessings (blah, blah blah), most younger women are not looking to add "Mommy" to their CV quite yet. And that's only if the kid(s) actually like you. Oh and did we mention that other woman? You know, the one who can reach him at any time of the day or night, has clearance to show up at his house whenever (of course for only "kid" related matters) and who will in lots of cases make your relationship a living hell just because she can. While yes there are exceptions to every situation, what ISN'T an exception is that you will always be #2 in his book. A real father puts no one before his children, and most of us are not willing to settle into the #2 position.
Another downside to being with an older man is that he often has baggage. I purposely separated this point and the kids since I don't consider children "baggage". I'm talking about emotional baggage. The older he is, the more relationships he's been in. It sucks to be the next girlfriend after a man has had a terrible relationship, but can you imagine that being the case after 2..3...4 failed relationships? To call him jaded would be an understatement and dealing with his emotional roller coaster might throw you over the deep end. It could end up taking forever for him to get over his trust issues, and in some cases it's not worth the ordeal.
And then there's the whole family issue. I feel confident saying that my dad wouldn't be too pleased if I brought a man over for Labor Day who was the same age as him. Having them compare stories of being in the Korean war is probably not the best way to convince your family that this is the man for you. While I don't think most families would raise an eyebrow to a 4-6 year age difference, a 10 year (and up) age gap could be quite a lot. If I dated a man 10 years older than me, I'm confident my sister (who's about 10 years older than me) would suggest I find a younger brother or cousin of his to be with instead. Each family is different, but you may want to take that into account before you get serious with someone much older.
Obviously every man and every relationship is different. If you think being with an older man is what's best for you, then go ahead. I love an older man, but I also know that sometimes what they're offering and bringing to the table is NOT what I need. Figure out what works best for you and act accordingly.
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